there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
