I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
