So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
