ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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