12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I just blew my weed a kiss
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
