How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
