I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
