it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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