ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
