So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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