hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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