so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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