Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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