my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize