Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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