Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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