I faked an abortion last night.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
