Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Randomize
