shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
