So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize