dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
