just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize