I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
