Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
