Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
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