Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
