the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Randomize