I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
My breasts were aching with rage.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
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