I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
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