i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
