Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
