Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
