How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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