dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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