btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
