Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize