so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
