I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize