We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
As shirtless as possible
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
