I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize