That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Randomize
