i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
