I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
