My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I skipped work to stalk him.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
