Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
