Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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