I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize