we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
