saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
BRING THE BAGELS
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
