i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
We just shotgunned beers for America
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
