Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
