It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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