I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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