weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
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