why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
