i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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