planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I smell like Dick and happiness
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
