the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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