I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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