There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
