I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
