Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
