New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
