She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
My ATM looks so different sober.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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