You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
