apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
