Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
