I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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