Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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