i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Randomize
