remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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