the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
being pregnant is like rehab
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
