So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
are you so shy because you have an std?
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
