You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
from now on my penis is your penis
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
